A 39-year-old Malaysian man has taken to XUAN’s platform to pour his heart out about the cracks in his four-year marriage, revealing how financial pressures, disagreements and unmet expectations are making him question his future.
The man, who married his 32-year-old wife during the MCO period after five years of dating, said the couple never held a wedding ceremony at the time and later moved to Kuala Lumpur for work. “We’re not avoiding kids because we don’t want them,” he wrote, “but because I feel with the way we handle issues and emotions now, we’re not ready to be parents.”
According to his post, the wife often vents anger by throwing things or storming out when disagreements arise, while he prefers to stay calm and “still buy her food even if we’re fighting.” But in the past two years, he has grown “increasingly disheartened” and even entertained thoughts of leaving.
One major point of conflict is housing. While his salary has risen from RM15,000 to nearly RM30,000 a month and hers from RM4,000 to RM5,000, she is pushing to buy a RM1.1 million home in Mont Kiara. He says his limit is RM600,000 because of existing commitments, including RM1,500–2,000 monthly support for his parents and a mortgage in Johor Bahru. Even with her contributing RM1,500, the couple would be stretched to afford RM800,000–900,000. “If we really buy a RM1 million house and I lose my job, I could go bankrupt,” he wrote.
The tension extends to cars too. He still drives a paid-off 2013 Honda Accord to save money, but she wants to upgrade her Myvi to an HR-V — which would wipe out her RM1,000 monthly savings and increase his own outlay as she often uses his card for petrol and maintenance.
These pressures, he says, have made him reluctant to start a family. “Reality already makes me feel stressed. If we add raising a child, I’m not sure I can handle it,” he confessed.
He ended his letter on an uncertain note, asking whether he should keep trying to make the marriage work or face the fact they might not be compatible. “This is marriage, not a job I can decide on quickly. I can’t even tell my family or friends — so I can only vent here,” he wrote.
The raw, anonymous post has struck a chord online, with readers debating how couples should balance love, finances and long-term planning — and whether financial incompatibility can make or break a marriage.
