A TikTok video has gone viral after user Kiki dropped a shockingly old-school etiquette tip: when someone gets engaged, you’re supposed to congratulate the groom—but not the bride. Instead, she says, wish the woman joy.
According to Kiki, “Congratulate the man because he’s lucky his fiancée said yes,” but “don’t congratulate the woman—that would imply she lucked out that this guy even wanted to propose.” Instead, she advises, “wish the woman joy because that’s what she deserves.”
The revelation left followers divided, with some horrified. One commenter admitted, “This makes me feel so rude to all the brides I’ve congratulated this year,” while another joked, “I said best wishes once and she looked at me like I was nuts. I’ll stick to congratulations.”
Etiquette expert Alison M. Cheperdak explained the historical reasoning behind this rule: congratulating the bride implied surprise that she found someone to love her forever—an idea considered outdated and discriminatory today. She suggests modern alternatives like “best wishes,” “I’m so happy for you,” or “I’m excited for you two,” which celebrate both partners equally.
Whether you follow this antique advice or stick to modern norms, one thing’s for sure—TikTok has once again shown that engagement etiquette can spark serious debate.
