A new study suggests that being more forgiving of your own flaws doesn’t just make you feel better — it could also strengthen your romantic relationship. Researchers from Otto Friedrich University Bamberg and Martin Luther University Halle-Wittenberg (MLU) found that self-compassion within relationships plays a significant role in boosting couple satisfaction, particularly among men. Their findings were published in the journal Personal Relationships.
Self-compassion, described by lead author Dr. Robert Körner as “having a caring, kind and attentive attitude towards oneself — especially when it comes to shortcomings,” was shown to improve the happiness of both partners. “We found that one’s ability to react compassionately to their own inadequacies, suffering and pain benefits not only themselves but also their partner,” said Körner.
The study surveyed 209 German-speaking heterosexual couples between January and December 2022 using detailed online questionnaires. Participants were asked about relationship satisfaction, including aspects like sexual fulfillment and long-term commitment potential. The researchers went beyond measuring general self-compassion and focused specifically on self-compassion in the context of romantic relationships. “People may act differently in various areas of life,” explained Professor Astrid Schütz of the University of Bamberg. “For instance, how someone handles a conflict at work may differ from how they handle one with their partner.”
Interestingly, the results showed that men reported higher relationship satisfaction when their partners practiced self-compassion. This supports previous research linking self-compassion to personal well-being but highlights its broader impact on romantic dynamics, including conflict resolution and jealousy management.
Dr. Nancy Tandler of MLU emphasized the importance of looking at relationships as a system rather than just individual experiences. “It’s crucial to consider the interrelationship between partners to fully understand the potential of self-compassion as a resource for happy relationships,” she noted.
The researchers believe the findings could be particularly valuable for couples’ therapy since self-compassion can be developed and trained. A simple practice, for example, is asking yourself, “How would I treat a close friend in this situation?” and then applying that same kindness inward.
Looking ahead, the team hopes to expand their research to include same-sex couples and participants from different cultures, since expectations of love and partnership vary widely across societies. But for now, the takeaway is clear: showing yourself a little more kindness could be the key to a stronger, happier relationship.
