A Malaysian man living with HIV has opened up about his loneliness and fear of rejection, revealing how the diagnosis has stopped him from pursuing romantic relationships despite his doctor assuring him that he could still start a family.
In an anonymous confession shared on Facebook, the man said people might assume he contracted the virus through a reckless lifestyle, but claimed he had only ever been in one relationship.
“I don’t drink, gamble, or have a complicated romantic history as I’ve only ever had one girlfriend,” he wrote.
He said he discovered much later that he had contracted HIV from his former girlfriend, who was unaware that she had the virus and had not received treatment at the time.
The man said he did not blame her, adding that his doctor believed transmission could have occurred due to improper condom use, a condom breaking or other possible routes.
Although he admitted that he sometimes still felt resentful about what had happened, he had gradually accepted his condition and continued following his doctor’s treatment instructions.
After three years of treatment, his viral load had reached undetectable levels. According to his account, his doctor told him that as long as he continued treatment and maintained an undetectable viral load, he could socialise, pursue relationships and have a family of his own.
However, he said the psychological burden of living with HIV continued to hold him back.
Whenever he met women he was interested in, including one he considered his ideal partner, he chose to distance himself rather than pursue a relationship.
He said he constantly worried about how a potential partner would react if she discovered his condition, whether her parents would accept him and whether their relationship could lead to conflict within her family.
The man admitted that he sometimes thought remaining single would be easier, but those feelings would fade whenever he saw other people getting married and starting families.
“I can’t help but feel jealous, as I too want someone by my side and a family of my own. I know I have the chance to experience that kind of life, yet I keep turning those opportunities away because I’m afraid of others discovering the truth,” he wrote.
He also sought advice on when he should disclose his HIV status to a woman he was interested in — whether at the beginning of their acquaintance or after they had developed a closer emotional connection.
Acknowledging that not everyone would accept his condition, he said he struggled with the thought that his diagnosis might prevent him from finding love.
“I know I can’t expect everyone to accept me, but I also don’t want to believe that having HIV means I’m undeserving of love and a family,” he wrote.
