Fear of losing a wife, a bruised ego and an inability to accept the end of a marriage can push some husbands to commit extreme acts of violence, including murder, family counselling experts warn.
Family consultant Zumasni Rajikin said some men refuse to let their wives leave not necessarily because they still love them, but because they fear losing their partners, struggle with rejection and cannot accept that they are no longer wanted.
He said some husbands view divorce as a personal failure and attempt to prevent their wives from leaving, even when the relationship can no longer be salvaged.
“If I can’t have you, no one else can either. This kind of thinking can emerge when someone is so afraid of losing their partner that they are willing to act out of control,” he said when contacted on Saturday.
Zumasni said some men struggle to accept that their wives want to seek happiness elsewhere, while women asking for a divorce may have reached a point where they can no longer endure the marriage.
His comments came after a civil servant was stabbed three times in an incident believed to have stemmed from a misunderstanding in Nilai, Negeri Sembilan, last Friday.
He identified several warning signs that should not be ignored, including threats to a wife’s safety, extreme anger, attempts to control a partner’s movements and refusal to discuss marital problems.
Zumasni added that men who struggle to manage their emotions and resolve conflicts maturely may perceive a divorce request as a threat, increasing the risk of an aggressive response when faced with rejection.
“That is why some go as far as committing murder. One of the things men find hardest to accept in marriage is divorce. That is why some marry two or three times, because they cannot bear to divorce their existing wives,” he said.
He said repeated arguments over divorce could further intensify tensions, particularly when a husband feels increasingly challenged by his wife’s demands to end the marriage.
In such situations, he said, some men may become overwhelmed by stress and resort to extreme measures in an attempt to end the conflict quickly.
Meanwhile, family counselling specialist Hushim Salleh said financial problems, drug abuse, family responsibilities and an inability to control anger could worsen marital conflicts and lead to violence, including murder.
He said tensions could arise when wives shoulder most of the family’s financial commitments, including housing and vehicle payments, while their husbands fail to fulfil their expected role as breadwinners.
Prolonged stress could trigger arguments that escalate into emotional abuse and eventually physical violence when perpetrators fail to control their anger, he added.
“If there is still room to improve the relationship, couples can seek counselling services,” he said.
Based on his experience handling domestic cases, Hushim also revealed that one in 10 wives was willing to withdraw their intention to divorce out of fear of being threatened, injured or killed by their spouses.
He said this showed that a woman’s decision to remain in a marriage did not necessarily mean she was happy, but could instead stem from fear of what might happen if she chose to leave.
