A 60-year-old man has opened up about the awkwardness he initially felt when addressing his 47-year-old father-in-law as “dad” due to their 13-year age difference.
Roslan Harun, better known as Pak Lan, said he married Nur Sofea Safina Mohd Hammali, who was 17 at the time, about 10 years ago.
“At first, it felt awkward calling him dad, but I had to get used to it because, no matter what, he is still my father-in-law.
“Over time, the awkwardness disappeared. Although we are not particularly close, we have a good relationship and can chat and joke around,” said the painter.
Pak Lan said he gradually overcame his discomfort and developed a comfortable relationship with his father-in-law, Mohd Hammali Mohd Yusoff, 47, who is 13 years younger than him.
He said his mother-in-law, Hashimah Yon, 44, and father-in-law never openly showed any dislike towards him, although he could sense their reservations from their behaviour during the early days of his marriage.
“As a son-in-law, I simply carried on as usual and never distanced myself from them. Thankfully, over time, they accepted me.
“Now we can joke around. However, whenever I meet my father-in-law, I do not kiss his hand. Instead, I greet him by holding both his hands as a sign of respect.
“There are no problems between us, including with my mother-in-law and my younger in-laws. In fact, we recently went on a holiday to Langkawi together,” he said.
Pak Lan said he never expected to marry for a second time after separating from his first wife in 1998.
However, he viewed his marriage to Sofea as a matter of fate and part of what he believed was Allah’s best plan for him, despite remarrying at the age of 50.
“I believe Allah opened my heart to marry again because, after my first marriage failed, I had actually become tired of relationships with women.
“But perhaps the time had come for me to meet my match. Somehow, my wife developed feelings for me even though our relationship initially felt more like that of a daughter and an adoptive father.
“I was surprised when she confessed her feelings. I thought about it for quite some time, but because I did not want to disappoint her, I accepted.
“I do not know what she saw in me, but perhaps she fell in love because I cared about her. Whenever she was sick, I would take her to the clinic, and I would also give her advice whenever she asked,” he said.
Sofea, now 27, said she does not regret getting married at 17, describing Pak Lan as the “right imam” for her.
She said their 33-year age gap had never been an obstacle because their marriage was built on love rather than family arrangements or pressure.
“I met Pak Lan while working as a waitress at a restaurant. His maturity and the way he treated me made me attracted to him.
“I had previously dated a younger man around my age, but the relationship did not last.
“After getting to know my husband, I fell in love with him, perhaps because of how caring he was. I do not even know how those feelings developed because, at first, I only saw him as an adoptive father figure.
“But fate brought us together. I never had to persuade my mother and father to accept our relationship. From the beginning, I was honest with them about our relationship before telling them that I wanted to marry him,” said Sofea, the eldest of five siblings.
