A Malaysian woman has opened up about ending her five-year relationship after discovering that her boyfriend had accumulated RM100,000 in personal loans, leaving her questioning whether she was being too harsh or simply protecting her future.
In a post shared through Xuan’s The Listening Tree advice column, the woman said she and her boyfriend had always split their expenses equally, from daily necessities and household costs to travel expenses.
However, over the years, she began to feel that he was unusually stingy, despite earning significantly more than she did.
According to her, her boyfriend earned between RM18,000 and RM25,000 a month, while her own monthly income was around RM15,000.
Although she was financially independent, she occasionally hoped he would treat her to a food delivery order or buy her a drink as a small romantic gesture.
Instead, she said he would almost always refuse or appear reluctant to spend the money.
The couple had also discussed marriage, with both agreeing to purchase a property under their joint names. She had no objections to sharing the financial responsibility.
However, conversations about the duit hantaran (marriage gift) and wedding expenses frequently left him upset.
“Why am I always the one who has to pay?” he would ask, according to her account.
She struggled to understand his resistance to spending, particularly because his main fixed financial commitment appeared to be a car loan of around RM3,000 a month.
After repeatedly questioning him, she eventually discovered that he owed banks approximately RM100,000 in personal loans.
What troubled her further was that he still had money available but had no plans to repay the loans early, choosing instead to continue making minimum payments or paying interest.
She said he did not appear to have expensive habits, nor did he smoke, drink alcohol or spend money on socialising. As they spent almost every day together, she had also never noticed him engaging in costly entertainment.
She even asked whether he had a gambling problem, but he denied it.
Despite his debt, she said he had never asked her to help repay the money.
Nevertheless, the discovery left her increasingly uncertain about their future, particularly as she was already 33 and the couple had been together for five years.
She eventually made the decision to end the relationship, but the breakup left her struggling with guilt.
She wondered whether she had been too materialistic to leave a partner who was facing financial difficulties.
Yet she could not shake the concern that he had been planning to purchase a home jointly with her while carrying such a substantial debt.
She questioned whether he genuinely wanted to build a future together or simply wanted someone else to share the financial risks.
Even after ending the relationship, she remained torn between feeling that she had abandoned her partner during a difficult period and believing that she had finally put her own future first.
“I don’t know whether I was too heartless or whether I had simply chosen to think about myself for once,” she wrote.
